My mother was a Coloratura Soprano. She always had a really amazing voice that often brought tears to my grandmother and my eyes when I was as young as age 2 or 3 years old in Seattle in Lake Forest Park then. I was 2 in 1950 and lived there until 1952 when we moved to San Diego, California. Most of the time since then I have lived in San Diego, Los Angeles County, Mt. Shasta, or the Greater San Francisco Bay area or Hawaii. Oh, I went to my last year of high school in a private school in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
Anyway, my mother had an amazing voice which she really let loose at home, in church or walking deep into the forest with my father and I. So, at times it was like growing up in a musical with my mother singing a lot. But, it calmed us all down as she sang things like
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- which she would sing along with Mario Lanza on the record player then.
So, hearing my mother singing so much had an influence on me and so I started to sing too which eventually resulted in me taking piano lessons from age 8 to 16 years of age and taking violin lessons from age 9 in public school to age 14 in junior high school. But I never was very good at the violin because there were no frets on a violin and a violin is not forgiving. However, I got really good on the piano and later on the organ and keyboards and synthesizers as I grew up. And I sang in the choir in church from age 12 to age 21 when I left the church. I suppose I was good enough to go professional but I found I didn't like playing in front of drunks smoking cigarettes or on drugs. So, I played and sang mostly for my parents, friends and especially girlfriends who really loved it when I did this.
Also, I noticed that being with girls was a lot like playing and singing music. So, if you found a way to express your emotions through singing and playing music you could also express your emotions verbally with girls. And I found I was a good listener to the problems of girls and women I knew of all ages so they tended to like me because I was understanding, non-judgemental and compassionate and helpful to all of them when I could be.
But then, at age 37 my father died and nothing in my life ever prepared me for a devastation this deep. Not even the deaths of my 4 grandparents one by one starting with my mother's father at my age 12 prepared me for losing my father. So, I found I couldn't play or sing music for a while without feeling sort of screwed up and not being able to deal with my emotions regarding the death of my father when I was 37. It also triggered middle Aged Crazy in me until I was 50 and almost died of a heart virus myself. Somehow, almost dying myself I got over myself and accepted my mortality and that each day was only grace past age 40 anyway. Because most people before 1900 died before they were 40 to 60 then anyway. So, anything past 40 is GRACE.
So, this made me think "Every day I'm alive now is a blessing and I could die any moment."
This freed me from the worry about dying because I accepted my death in any moment but simultaneously I accept I may never die too.
I know this is a paradox but it is the one I live in now and it's okay. It's peaceful this way.
Recently my wife has lost 3 or 4 people close to her including her stepfather and her uncle. This has been very hard for her and especially hard for me because I'm 68 now and not as resilient as I used to be in being her "ROCK". So, one day this last week I got into the shower because I wasn't doing very well and I just started to sing some of the songs I used to sing in the 1970s from John Denver and others. And I found I was happy once again. Simultaneously in the other room I found out that my wife had gotten reservations for Lake Tahoe which was really amazing too.
So, whatever the barriers to my singing or playing music they appear to be gone now in some kind of miracle from God Grace or something.
So, I guess I'm getting back into music (playing and singing music once again).
I find great peace in this that I've finally come to terms with my father passing in 1985 and my mother passing away in 2008. So, I'm living in a new state of Grace which is good.
So now I'm staying in Lake Tahoe having gone up the gondola up to 8200 feet at Squaw Valley today and seen just how beautiful it is this year with this much amazing snow!
By God's Grace