What I find interesting about this is the same thing that kills young people the most regarding careers and futures (in other words unrealistic expectations) is also what kills relationships too.
So, for a relationship of any kind to last you cannot be unrealistic about what it's nature is.
For me, I have had literally hundreds of relationships with women. I am not saying I slept with all of them by the way. However, I have learned a lot from when I started at age 15 dating girls the next few weeks after President Kennedy was assassinated. To show you just how out of touch with adult reality I was I wanted to date girls so I didn't die a Virgin which is really laughable to me now (even though I still was basically a virgin until I was 21 years old). But, this didn't mean I didn't spend the night with girls starting at around 16 years of age it just meant I was a gentleman and a churchgoing gentleman at that who until 21 only dated women who he might marry. But, I gave this up at 21 simply because I had become suicidal trying to be like this. HAHA.
So, how does one stop having unrealistic expectations?
I made some rules as I started dating which became hard and fast rules by about age 21.
Here's the thing:
When you are going to be dating a lot of people you need a filtering device or devices to see which ones you might be serious with eventually (if that is what you want). I wanted to have children so this was important to me and I became a father by age 26. But, between 15 and 25 I dated many women.But, mostly this was between 21 and 25 because mostly I went steady with girls from a year to 2 years from age 15 to 21.
So, this is what I came up with.
First thing.
You don't ever date someone more than 3 months unless you know you are going to be serious about them.
Why?
Because it doesn't matter who this person is once you spend 3 months with them it begins to be too painful to disconnect from them. So, at 3 months you have to decide whether you are serious or not so one of you doesn't die from suicide because of all this.
Because by 6 months of a relationship one or both of you might suicide if you break up.
So, my 3 month rule is out of respect for yourself and your significant other in trying to keep both of you alive and sane.
Of all the rules I made back then this likely was the most important one to keep oneself and one's significant other alive ongoing.
What are you doing when you are dating?
Filtering.
You are filtering out people you are not compatible with long term. Are you sexually compatible with this person? Does it matter if you are not? Is this person loyal enough to you to be your long term Friend?
Or do they have permanent PTSD which makes them unsuitable for any long term relationship?
This is what you are doing.
For example, my 2nd marriage was the happiest I had ever been for 7 years and then the next 7 years was the most unhappy I had been in my life. So, how do you figure that where the first 7 years of a marriage was the happiest you have ever been in your life up until then and the 2nd 7 years was the most unhappy you had been in your life?
This made no sense to me at all.
But then, I was married a third time in December of 1995 and this person was perfect for me in many different ways. However, as a young man I would have run from her because she was too safe because I preferred Risky women who were less safe because I was still partly suicidal in nature.
So, I finally in 1995 married someone of the kind I was raised to marry in church and then I've been pretty happy once I almost died at age 50 ever since.
But, imagine this: I was 47 in 1995. Think about this for a moment. It took me 47 years to find the right person to be married to long term in life experience.
By God's Grace
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