Sunday, May 21, 2023

Traumas and how we survive them

I will try to separate the types of traumas into Psychological and medical. I suppose you might want to also separate them into psychological or physical or sometimes both. For example, if you were molested by a same sex or different sex person at any age this falls into a certain kind of category.

For example, I didn't know boys or men could have sex at age 8 so I was molested when I was 8 years old by someone I trusted who was male in my religion in Mt. Shasta. However, when I had a Newspaper route at age 10 in Glendale, California delivering the Glendale News Press I saw two dogs copulating at 4 to 6 am on a Sunday after I had delivered my newspapers then I went home and had a seizure because my young mind at a subconscious level realized I had been violated by someone I trusted. This is a horrific experience to actually go into a seizure (for the first time in my life) because at some level I knew my trust in someone had been violated. So, in this case it would be a deep psychological wound from betrayal of trust of someone you trusted and a physical violation in addition to this.

However, I have found that all churches attract molesters because there is this implicit trust between church members which often isn't warranted at all which is why molesters of children and women hide in plain site in all churches worldwide waiting to prey on children and women all over the world.

In the long run besides 5 years of seizures started by all this realization the biggest problem for me personally wasn't what you might think. Instead, I tended not to trust sexual partners very much and needed to change partners often from 21 to 25 as a young man because of this lack of trust. So, being faithful to any one woman was very hard for me to do from 21 to 25 until I got my live in girlfriend pregnant and then we eventually got married before my son was born.

So, as you can see I survived my trauma despite the 5 years of night time seizures at least once every 6 months or so from ages 10 to 15 years of age. However, it likely was a combination of a fall and concussion from rock climbing combined with the realization of having been violated that set off these seizures which each time felt like being murdered, going unconscious and then waking up shaking within an hour or two with my parents trying to make sure with a butter knife that I didn't swallow my tongue.

And I was forbidden to talk about my seizures to anyone because of my father's pride. So, here we have traumas on top of traumas on top of traumas.

This is why it is so healthy for me to write about them now because I was forbidden to even talk about this with relatives or friends and I didn't until my father died when I was 37.

Traumas on top of traumas on top of traumas and I am not alone with experiences like this here on earth either.

So, I'm writing to tell you of my personal horror experience in the hope that it will help you move forward with dealing with your traumas in your life too.

By God's Grace

No comments: