Identifying what has been lost can be very difficult

Especially if you were young when you lost "Everything important in your life".

For me, this loss because I couldn't fully understand it because of my Youth and naivety (relatively speaking) took me to wanting to take my own life for several years.

Now I can look back and see what my loss really was.

1. It was a loss of two women I loved.
2. It was a loss of innocence because I believed in my religion and it had failed me.
3. It was a loss of pride because I felt less in the eyes of my father and mother
4. So, my solution as a young man was to take my own life.

But,
I also realized I couldn't do that to my parents
I couldn't do that to my friends
and so I died to self and physically stayed alive

But I fully understood I was a dead man walking.

And when I heard what a shaman was and Is

I understood I was a dead man walking through life.

A Shaman is someone who has psychologically died but whose body still lives and lives in both
the worlds of the living and the worlds of the dead at the same time.

So, when my son was born and I got married at 26 I became a householder yogi
and moved towards enlightenment that way.

I don't think I fully identified "Exactly what was lost" because that was beyond my full understanding simply because I didn't believe someone could be in love with Two women at the same time because I still had a Naive sense of reality in my late teens and early 20s then.

However, by age 30 I realized we actually do not live in a storybook Disneyland kind of world where things are only one way.

A priest once said to me: "Only about 10% to 20% of people are suited to be with one person for a lifetime. And another 25% of people are suited to live with someone for 10 or 20 years. and another 20% can live with someone a year or two and the rest aren't suited to live with another person ever.

He said this in conjunction with all the people he had counseled as a Priest.