Loyalty to my parents and relatives and friends more than anything else. I studied in college what happened when people killed themselves and realized that none of us are alone. Everyone is dealing with suicidal thoughts some of the time. Once you realize this you also realize that you could trigger literally hundreds or thousands of other suicides if you take your own life of your parents, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your friends, acquaintances, people who had been in love with you and couldn't imagine life without you etc.
For example, because I was always tall and handsome many many women projected their fantasies on me and might survive me being with another woman for life but might not survive me taking my own life.
So, I felt responsible to everyone who loved me in any form and bit my lip until it bled and soldiered on for them all because it wasn't just about me. I had to stay alive for EVERYONE who loved me and cared about me all over the world.
By God's Grace
But this didn't mean I didn't take extreme physical risks all the time either. it just meant I would never directly off myself. But, God was there with me and always showed me just how far i could take those risks. For example, when I got married and had my first child, a son, I stopped rock climbing with pitons and ropes with thousands of feet of exposure. But, I didn't stop skiing or riding motorcycles or traveling the world or SCUBA diving or Snorkeling. I just stopped things like Rock climbing where the risks were really extreme when my son was born. Soon after my son was born (within a couple of years I lost one of my friends who was free climbing at Castle Crags near Dunsmuir and Mt. Shasta. And around 30 I lost one of my best friends to Kayaking in the Colorado Rockies as well on a wild river there. Unfortunately he was married with children when this happened.
Staying alive for everyone you love I believe is important if you are going to be a responsible human being here on earth. None of us are alone or islands even when we believe this is true. All of us are important to many many people around the world and we are responsible in many ways for the well being of everyone we know both directly and indirectly too always.
By God's Grace
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