I wish someone had told me just how difficult one's 20s could be. I was okay pretty much until I was 18 but then it just got too real for me. I had already had a pretty traumatic life by age 15 from Whooping cough at age 2 and then a concussion with night time Seizures for 5 years time. So, when 18 and 20 came by I wasn't ready for just how difficult and unexpected everything was.
People told me to "Plan my future" but this I found personally to be the key to my personal suicide from plans not working out on one level or another. No one had prepared me for the uncertainties of life. Not Really. So, from about 20 to 25 I didn't want to be alive anymore because what I had planned and expected from life simply was NOT going to happen. not the girls or girls I wanted to marry, not the career path I had wanted, not the feeling happy enough about my life to actually want to be alive anymore.
But, my choice was to stay alive for my parents and my girlfriends. Because I had seen what suicide had done to other families and I refused to be the cause of a chain reaction of suicides in my own family. I was more responsible as a person than that even though at the time the very last thing I wanted was to continue to be alive in a body on earth anymore.
However, that being said, my live in girlfriend got pregnant and everything changed. I realized I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and take care of my girlfriend who became my wife and my son. This was something I could finally relate to and realize I needed to grow up for.
But, looking back now I see the biggest killer of people at every age is simply "Unrealistic Expectations" and this is really serious especially between about 12 and 30 the most while people are just waking up sexually and in all other ways and why so many don't make it to 30 around the world.
By 30 I was really happy for about 5 years until my father died and then I was pretty screwed up for about 13 years after losing my Dad and even got a divorce partly because my father had died when I was 37.
Then I almost died from a heart Virus and then I stopped having middle Aged Crazy triggered by my father's death where you are very aware you are going to die and not the immortal feeling a young man or woman often feels in their 20s and 30s sometimes like I also did.
Life is really a paradox at all points and surviving 75 like I am now is just as hard in different ways than surviving at 18 or 25. So, what people need to understand is that life is equally hard at every age you are going to be just in very different ways.
So, learning to be a survivor and learning to be adaptable might be the two most important things in life along with having compassion for yourself and all life in the universe.
By God's Grace
No comments:
Post a Comment