I noticed that when I was most likely to commit suicide was likely between the ages of 10 and 25 years of age. After this, I really didn't deal with this on a day to day basis. Why?
Because My son was born at my age 26 and I had to stay alive to raise him right. So, it really didn't matter what I wanted anymore I had to think of the next generation. Now I have raised 3 biological children and 3 adopted children to adulthood. And this wasn't really a problem anymore (except one time when my first wife left me and got with a famous artist and I was in my 1968 Camaro that I had driven over 145 miles per hour and thought to myself that I would hit a telephone pole at over 100 mph but then realized my 3 year old son was in a car seat behind me so I quickly gave up that idea.
So, basically, my impulse to take my own life sort of ended with the birth of my son. Then a life of self sacrifice replaced the childish selfishness of suicide for me.
But, then again everyone is different. I still am a risk taker in many ways but not as much as from 5 to 30 years of age.
But, I have a certain kind of fearlessness all the time that sometimes terrifies people because dying isn't my enemy. If anything it is my friend.
You don't gain karma when you are dead but you do every moment you are alive. And it's hard to ONLY generate good karma 24 hours a day. So, the consequences of every thought and action you take generates causes and effects that go on thousands and thousands of years or more, both good and bad as well as neutral. And motivation is a very important factor of how it all affects you in the long and short run.
Why didn't I commit suicide when I wanted to the most?
I was always an honorable sort of person and a polite person. I looked at life around me and saw the incredible havoc that suicides created in people's families and chain reactions of suicides that sprang from each suicide even if it was suicide by joining the army or something like that.
So, I couldn't do this to my parents who were very good parents. I couldn't do this to my friends who were very good friends. I couldn't do this If I had a girlfriend who loved me I had to stay alive for her no matter what I wanted. Being an honorable man I couldn't do this to the others in my life no matter how badly I wanted to be dead at the time.
By my 30s I was very very happy and home schooling my children on 2 1/2 acres of land I bought remote in the Mt. Shasta Forests. I cross country skied and home schooled my children and hiked peaks I loved to hike and swam in mountain lakes and traveled when I could. By 32 I was happy and glad I had stayed alive. 33 by the way is the physically happiest a person ever gets and I was very very happy at age 33 to around 37 when my father died which screwed me up until I was 50 and almost died myself. Then after almost dying every day was grace for me in the sight of God and I was at peace. It was as if I already had died and lived in the arms of God every moment after with the angels.
Life is Good
By God's Grace
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