In my 20s during the 1970s I decided to be "Spiritual but not Religious"

Why?

I was betrayed in many ways by people in the religion my parents raised me in. I saw how people had been brainwashed in specific ways that was almost fatal to me between 1969 and 1973. It is called "Shunning" which meant I was shut out of the lives of thousands of people I knew around the world. This nearly killed me at the time.

I was way to progressive at that time for the very conservative religion I was raised in and it was very nearly fatal to me. I watched many many friends suicide and die who had a similar experience to myself at that time. 

I was one of the survivors of this shunning which is common mostly in protestant kinds of Christian churches for people who are too progressive in their views as I was at that time.

I remember people telling me to lie about my life then like they were to stay a "Member" of the Country Club that most protestant churches actually are. 

Lying about what you were about then was the norm. I couldn't live that way. I had to be honest about my feelings and thoughts or else why would I want to be in ANY religion if I wasn't honest about my views regarding everything in my life. It would invalidate my life completely to lie to people regarding my thoughts and feelings about everything happening in my life then.

Most people just said: "Lie to everyone about your life here in. the 1960s." This wasn't going to work for a principled ethical person like myself. I couldn't be so cynical as to lie to everyone in my church as I was recommended by literally everyone around me in the church in my life at that time.

To me, the church was not a country club it was a real belief system for me and if I had to lie about what I believed then why not just end my life in the ridiculousness of life?

So, I was honest about my progressive views instead of hiding everything like all my compatriots did and I was shunned worldwide for not lying.

This taught me that most people did not really believe in this religion my age anyway. So, even though I was suicidal for about 5 years until I eventually married and had a son, in the long run being true to my own deepest values kept me alive while watching many many of my old friends who lied die from their lies one by one in the religion I was raised in.

I was one of the lucky ones who was honest about my thoughts and feelings. So, my suffering was short of fighting suicide for about 5 years while I watched other suicide or lie and doing drugs and alcohol and pretending to be pious. I was sickened by the lies of my old friends who told me to lie about everything in my life then and now.

However, I was alone and free and could live with myself while watching them one by one self destructing in various ways with their ongoing lies.

This is what made me: "Spiritual but not religious" because I couldn't live with the lie I would have had to lived with to do otherwise.