This being an El Nino year though all of us are happy on the West Coast that there actually is enough rain and snow to make life bearable, still "When is it going to stop raining?" I know we need it but I feel like Noah's Ark is going to be built next door sometimes.
So, all across the United States and many other parts of the world many of us are suffering depression of seemingly never ending rain and snow this year almost everywhere in the Northern Hemisphere.
This particular weekend I found myself just not able to bounce back like I normally do. Today, I even drove my car to the ocean in heavy wind and rain trying to feel the intensity of the storm and to move out of my "weather depression". But ever since the barometer was dropping yesterday it has been an uphill battle. Then yesterday my wife wanted to do a double feature "in other words pay twice for two movies" at a local theater complex which though I wasn't really into much I went to be supportive to my wife. So we saw "Date Night" with Tina Fey and Steve Carell which was pretty funny I'll have to admit. But then we saw "The Last Song" which both of us thought was just a movie with Myley Cyrus and Greg Kinnear in the two pivotal roles and John Travolta's wife starred as Myley Cyrus' mother.
And unfortunately or fortunately "you pick" there were so many simalarities in this film to my own life that many things inside me that hadn't been worked out the last 15 or 20 years finally came to the fore.
For example, I had to emotionally deal with the fact that even though I did whatever I could to keep my last marriage (before this one) alive for 15 years there was just no way possible to go on. Though intellectually I knew this somehow this movie caused me to feel what it is like for your best just not to be enough to make something work. I had a conversation with God last night about all this. and it went something like this, I said, "I just couldn't fix her. I couldn't help her and make it all work." And God said something like, "She wasn't yours to fix. She is mine and besides she will have to eventually fix herself." I can't tell you how healing this was for me. Because when I grew up the man was always the captain of the ship and in that marriage I felt the last 7 years (and ever since) the captain of the "Titanic" with no where to go but down with the ship.
Luckily I'm very adaptive and remarried and had another daughter and somehow stayed connected to my other daughter(she and I still ski together even though she snowboards now and is 20 and lives with her boyfriend who is an expert snowboarder too). So I survived and my now 20 year old survived and I remarried and had another daughter who is now 14 So I didn't go down with the ship physically but I did emotionally and never have completely recovered from that internally. However, I'm very happy in my second 15 year marriage even though my 14 year old daughter treats me just as bad as the Dad in "The Last Song" . So, I thought I was going to a summer romance with Myley Cyrus, an inconsequential movie and not a three hanky movie which is what I got. And not only that I had to face God and realize fully: "God is not only my co-pilot he is also the pilot so where does that leave me?" In good hands.
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