When I found out at age 16 that I was very allergic to alcohol like my father and grandfather who never drank because of this, I realized that life had actually done me a favor in making me this way. Since I don't have a substance related addictive personality this worked for me. So, regarding substances like Alcohol or drugs I never was interested or inclined to become addicted to anything.
Often Alcholism and Sex and Love Addiction go hand in had mostly because there are no useful boundaries when one is drunk often. But, that wasn't my experience.
In my family, alcoholism except for my cousin who died of it in 2001(he obviously didn't carry the alcohol allergic gene) or this could not have happened this way. Most of us did not have alcohol or other drug related problems at all even though I have a younger cousin who had some substance abuse problems along the way.
But, what I want to bring up here is the fact that Sex and Love addiction (the need to always been in love and to have a sexual partner) is an addiction too, especially if it does not lead to a happy partnership or marriage at some point. So, the addiction to multiple partners destroys many or most marriages when either person is a sex and Love Addict.
How does one become a sex and love addict?
I suppose there are many ways but usually there is some trauma in this person's life male or female and this creates a need for intimacy of a physical and sexual nature. So, if they don't have this need fulfilled they might not choose to be alive.
This likely is the best way to put this.
So, it is important to define yourself as a sex and love addict and to tell your significant other about this so you both can police yourself in not getting into trouble and destroying your live in situation or marriage whenever you are feeling insecure and unfulfilled in some real or imagined way.
Women were always attracted to me, especially from age 15 on. I was tall and strong and well built and 6 foot 5 inches tall. So, often women would project their fantasies on me. And often when I was 21 to 25 I would fulfill their fantasies for a short time as long as I could maintain that fantasy for them. But, over time I began to realize that unless you can give someone something permanently for a lifetime in some ways you are hurting these people and you might leave them in pain the rest of their lives because they cannot then find anyone to replace the fantasy they have of you with someone else.
My trouble began when I had to leave the religion I was raised in because I as excommunicated for being too 1960s and progressive a thinker. Dealing with the loss of not one but actually 2 women I wanted to marry made me suicidal along with not being allowed to see all my church friends worldwide anymore.
In order to not commit suicide I guess my solution was a series of sequential monogamy relationships that were based upon women in love with me. Since most men tend to be somewhat narcissistic and I am not exactly an exception to this if a beautiful woman told me she was in love with me I found myself in love with her being in love with me and I had a way to stay alive. It was not that I didn't like all these women or think they were wonderful people but when I actually got married in 1974 I realized that dating so many women was a bad precedent if you want to get married and be faithful to your wife.
So, just remember everything you do in life affects everything you do in the future too just through the precedent of all the things you do.
I have now been married 3 times. This last time 22 years and have managed to be faithful to my present wife but that wasn't always true before in previous marriages because of the precedents of my previous life in my early 20s.
But, another way to look at this was I was 21 in 1969 where basically in California there was a social revolution happening and people were much more sexually active with more partners then which was also before STds became such a problem in the late 1970s and AIDS became recognized in the early 1980s.
This ended the Sexual Freedom of the 1960s and 1970s pretty much.
However, Sex and Love addiction or even food addiction can destroy your life just as easily as alcohol and drugs can. So, this is something to always be aware of in your lives too.
Even in my present marriage of 22 years I was pretty terrified whenever I met a woman who was a beautiful sex and love addict. I can recognize them a mile away now. Because if you have this addiction as a man you cannot even flirt with someone like this it is so dangerous. For me, it was like playing chess always. So, it was a game. So, if you flirt with someone there is no real place that it can stop and have decent boundaries for your marriage. So, because of this I learned to stop flirting with women who were obvious sex and love addicts who didn't have boundaries to stop anything once things got going.
Though sometimes this feels like you are choosing to be dead inside, you have honored your wife and children. So, sort of like being a minister or Catholic Priest or monk you are honoring your own integrity and the safety and lives of your wife and children. However, getting emotionally grown up enough for all this is really really hard for most people on earth.
Learning to have integrity to yourself and your wife and your children and the rest of your family might take a lifetime of hard knocks to realize. But, in the end it's worth it for your wife and children to have a good future and a good life.
So, in a sense you have to sacrifice yourself for the happiness of your family and future generations. It's a little like dying on the battlefield while protecting your family. Without sacrifice no family or country endures.
By God's Grace
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