Monday, September 15, 2008

For Candidates for Restraining Orders

I just thought I would relay some helpful information since my God-Daughter is presently having a difficult time preventing her ex-live in boyfriend from stalking her and harming her life in multiple ways. Since tonight is the epicenter of the full moon this seemed like an opportune time to write this so more people stay alive and hopefully not harm themselves or anyone else.

First of all, the one thing you do NOT want to do is to live alone after you break up with a live in lover of any length of time over 1 to 3 months. It's important to be with friends, relatives, anyone who is objective because NOBODY is objecive after such a break up after short or long periods of time. It doesn't really matter the reason it ended,being alone, and living alone can make one suicidal-homicidal often in these situations often because people get into delusional states when left alone they or others die or are permanently maimed in some way.

So, if you are serious about surviving your breakup and serious about other people surviving your breakup and serious about your ex surviving the breakup seek out other people who are objective and listen to them. REMEMBER, IT IS BETTER EVEN TO START A REBOUND RELATIONSHIP RATHER THAN KILL YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE(BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE PSYCHOLOGICALLY HEALTHY ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO PULL THAT OFF).

Remember if you were really in love with your lover or even just believed that you were
it usually takes 2 to 5 years to get over the worst of the symptoms.

The most in love(young love) was when I was in my late teens. I was young and didn't understand a whole lot of things I do now. First, there was a girl in my church that I expected to marry that was the sister of one of my best friends since I was about 6 years old. I did date her from age 17 to 19. However, in my senior year I went away to a boarding school and had another affair with a 16 year old there who also lived in Los Angeles County, California like me. So when we returned on the train 2000 miles on the old El Capitan train I had two girlfriends and it was pretty crazy. However, my first girlfriend was a year older than I and already in college and though she loved me put up with my dalliance with a 16 year old. Then I went back to my college girlfriend like nothing had happened but I felt very guilty about the whole 16 year old thing so we broke up in Chicago during Christmas vacation when I was 19. We were at a church convention there. So my college girlfriend that I had known since I was 6 got interested in a handsome blonde haired 25 year old rocket scientist from Texas and I was interested in his girlfriend from the Detroit, Michigan area, so we sort of traded girlfriends. Even though I loved my college girlfriend from Los Angeles I was too ashamed to stay with her because of my dalliance with a 16 year old. So I believed I was in love with my new girlfriend from the Detroit, Michigan area. We went together for 2 years until I was 21, her in college in the Detroit Area and I in Los Angeles county in College there(she came out summers). However, because we were both religious we had a celibate relationship because people of my faith did not have sex with people they were going to marry before marriage. (I would have but they were of a more conservative point of view than I). When my Detroit Girlfriend and I broke up because she told me she wanted to remain celibate after marriage, I broke up with her because I couldn't have children with a celibate wife.

However, even though I made the right decision I could not live without her and became despondent and suicidal. I did not become angry at her because she wanted to be celibate and I understood that so I was angry at myself for all the wrong reasons.

However, it took me 5 years to get over both my Los Angeles childhood and college girlfriend(she got married to the rocket scientist from Texas and is still with him there) and when her brother died I got back in contact with her. I have had no contact with my Detroit girlfriend since we broke up in 1969 around the time when we landed on the moon the first time. However, I know she eventually married and raised to step children as their mother had died.

The point I'm trying to make is that if you break up with someone you have to choose to live on without them otherwise you won't.

The reason I'm alive today is that I took to heart the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song, "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one your with, love the one you're with." So that is how I survived. Since I was still relatively a virgin at age 21 even though I had spent the night with girlfriends since I was 16(there was no intercourse) I was pretty frustrated by this and experiencing a pretty bad full time case of testosterone poisoning. So about 25 girlfriends and about 5 years later(most all of them were not virgins when I met them and none of them were after meeting me) I married and had a son at age 26 with my 21 year old bride. Even though we broke up 4 years later and I got custody of my then 3 year old son, my son gave me reason to stay alive and take care of him and create a really good life for us both. When he was 5 I met a lady with 2 kids from her first marriage and we were married for 15 years and I now have a 19 year old biological daughter from that marriage. Then that ended awfully
and I married again at age 46 and had another daughter in 1996. We have been happily together since then. My now 19 year old daughter from my last marriage spent a month with us this summer and was the single most useful person while a close relative of my wife's died. So I bought her a good car to go to college with since she was so very helpful. We have been skiing together since she is very athletic since she was about 4 years old. Now she is not only an expert skier but now an intermediate snowboarder too.
I ski while she snowboards every winter. Her boyfriend is an excellent trick snowboarder too.

As you can see, unless you make decisions to stay alive after a breakup you don't psychologically or physically survive. There isn't just one perfect person for you, there are hundreds and maybe even thousands out there. Yes, it will never be the same but what you really need is a real friend that shares your interests and is sexually compatible with you that wants to live where you do. That is what works. Choose life! not death.

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