Memories of My Mother

First of all let me say that writing for me is like therapy. So every hour I write is about 150 dollars in healing if I were to pay a psychologist for it. My wife and I started talking to a grief therapist when her mother died in 1999 so she could keep going and so we could keep going as a marriage and a family as our youngest daughter was then only 3.

Yesterday I witnessed my mother's cremation. I had done the same for my Dad when I was 37 in 1985. Then I did it so my father wouldn't become an experimental cadaver. So now even though there are many more enforced laws about this now I still felt I needed to do the same for my Mom. As I opened the burn casket and opened the plastic surrounding my mother's face I witnessed that it was indeed her. It was less scary now she was dead than last week listening to the "death rattle" of Pneumonia when she was comatose just before she passed away. I touched her shoulder and forehead and said "Goodbye Mom". I closed the burn casket and watched the older gentleman jack up her casket level with the furnace. He asked me, "Do you want to push your mother in and turn on the furnace?" I said, "Yes." Even though I was numb already from the experience of physically saying goodbye one last time to my mother. I pushed in the burn casket into the furnace and he closed the blast doors. He explained that this furnace was as loud as a jet engine and could only be used during the daytime because of this. So I pushed the green button and sure enough it was deafening. Soon we went outside to talk about angels and spiritual experiences people regularly have around death and dying.

I thought to myself, "Mom, you've been invoking the sacred fire now since you were 16 in the 1930s. Now you are in the physical fire that hopefully takes you to the real sacred fire and through that purification to heaven. I stood outside and realized all the moisture, red and white blood cells and organs and brain were being incinerated and blown up a 2 foot wide chimney after being scrubbed by technology. It was clear as it arose out the wide stainless steel stack. My mother used to say to me since I was a child, "I as an atom in the body of mankind can pray for everyone and have it manifest". My mother was the most spiritual person I ever got to know so deeply. Though I have met many since none have been so naturally with God every moment.

Her friends used to say to her, "Betty doesn't need religion she lives in a fantasy world with God." From growing up with her it wasn't a fantasy she lived in, she lived with God in the Scottish Celtic Tradition. In this ancient Christian mystical tradition God is a 24 hour a day experience.

She taught me to experience God full time in this way too. I didn't really get that good at it until I was 15 years old. But eventually this became the basis of my life too. Living experiencing God and angels 24 hours a day is the only way to fly!