The judgment of other men. When I was a little boy I knew immediately that there was only going to be one man in my family, my father. My father was always larger than life. He was a man's man and all the builders and contractors loved my Dad. He always made them laugh. He was quite a guy. But being a man's man is not being a father. Being a man's man is being a workaholic and outworking and outdoing all the other men so they look up to you. Being a man's man is to be so superior and intelligent than no one else ever comes close.
So I took one look at my Dad and realized immediately that I did not want to be a man's man. Both my father and my Grandfather were men's men. I chose to be a ladies man instead. All the men loved Dad and his jokes but all the ladies loved me. I sometimes wonder what men will say of me after I'm dead. Maybe nothing at all. Or maybe "He never gave up no matter how bad things got." I'm 59 and have been married 3 times for a total of over 30 years of marriage now. So over half my life I've been married and raising kids. My first son was born in 1974 and my latest child was born in 1996. So that means that I have been raising someone under 15 years of age continually since 1974.
Originally, I was thinking of writing a piece called "pray without ceasing" or the opposite side of the coin, "Outsmarting oneself" for I have done both continually since I was for sure 15 but mostly all my life too. My oldest stepson is a Fire Captain, my stepdaughter is a lawyer, my biological son was a computer tech during his twenties and now is in medical school, my older biological daughter is in college and went to Europe this last summer, and my youngest is in junior high.
There was a concept I was trying to live and now am living which is called "the leisure to practice". What this really means is that you are financially covered in such a way that you can pray or do whatever you want to help people. However, the reality of such a situation is a lot to deal with for most people because if you are free to do anything to help you are also free to do nothing at all. So I find myself asking God what I should do next to help life on earth and beyond. God answer to me usually is something like, "You're doing it!" In the course of my lifetime of studies of beings like Jesus, Saint Germain, Buddha, Krishna etc. there is one thing they all seem to have in common. "They were all completely spontaneous!" While I was studying Padmasambhava (who brought Buddhism to Tibet) this was really his thing, "spontaneous accomplishment". He was a Mahasiddha (which means something like Kingly magic user yogi). So someone who is or was a Mahasiddha regularly performs healings both mental and physical and magical feats like flying through the air or walking through walls.
I have been to Rewalsar(now in Himchal Pradesh in India)(in tibetan it is Tsopema) where Padmasambhava created a lake while being burned at the stake and then flew up several thousand feet and melted his foot into a boulder on a nearby mountain. I have seen both the lake and the melted footprint. what was amazing to me was that my Vasques Cascade hiking boot size 14 perfectly fit the melted footprint. I realized that Padmasambhava must have been over 6 feet tall to have feet that big. (I'm 6feet 4 inches tall) When I put my foot in his melted print the whole sky turned purple and purple violet lightning crashed out of the clouds. I had asked Saint Germain if he and Padmasambhava were the same being. Because of the violet lightning I realized the answer was "yes!"
I had realized that since Padmasambhava was supposed to have been originally from Afghanistan between 500 and 800 AD and that he was described as having a pink complexion that he might have been the same person Merlin, the magician. If he was Merlin the Magician then that was supposed to be one of the incarnations of Saint Germain. So Voila! I had pieced together that likely Merlin was Padmasambhava, especially if Saint Germain was giving me a sign that they were the same soul!
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