Frogs Eggs

note: I tried to put an image here of frogs eggs from google images. However, it wouldn't work so if you have never seen frogs eggs then go into google images then type: frogs eggs end note.

When I was 3 or 4 years old in Lake Forest Park, Washington, my then 8 or 9 year old cousin took me to a pond or stream and picked up about a thousand frogs eggs and put it in my hands. I remember feeling the life of the frogs and since I was then so close to having lived in my mothers womb, I felt an empathy and kindredness with these living frogs eggs in my hand. In an instant I became aware of all the life in the universe. At this moment more than any other I felt at home in the universe and kindred with all life living here in our universe. This moment changed me permanently.

I can track this moment to when I began to communicate consciously with all life in the universe and feel at home and unafraid whether my body lived or died. Somehow I knew I had nothing to fear because I was everywhere and always would be.

This is the moment when communicating with all life in the universe became natural for me because I was all life in the universe and so I was at peace.

So when people from that moment tried to teach me that I was separate from every other being I remember looking at them and thinking, "I'm sorry you are crazy but since I'm little I'll pretend what you are saying means something even though it means less than nothing." So, understanding that most adults were insane was how I started out in life. And because most adults were insane they made most poor little children insane too, just not me. I was always an adult in a child's body and knew it.

So then, most life in school was about learning what I could while realizing most adults were insane and that they were driving most kids insane too.

For me, as a child it was really all quite simple. There was really only one being in the universe: all of us! And trying to be separate only made all the people who felt they were pieces kill the other pieces of oneness. This was why most adults were insane. Because they felt separate they could kill. Because I knew with every fiber of my being I was not separate I could not kill.

However, after being brainwashed to believe in school that I would grow up and become a soldier(remember the draft?) and have to kill or be killed I realized I better learn how to kill or I would be killed and I didn't want to die so I better learn how to kill or at least how to scare people really bad so they wouldn't kill me. Luckily, I only had to learn how to terrify people into not killing me. Since I was very big for my age always this was relatively easy if I was confronted or attacked. The basic idea in my generation was like this, "If you start a fight with me I'll kill you." This attitude worked quite well.

I remember a story at a fancy vacation retreat nearby where I live. I heard this story from people who witnessed it. There were two gardeners who couldn't get along and so they were going to fight each other after work. One gardener was from Viet Nam and the other was American. When it was time for the fight the Vietnamese gardener brought long knives. The American said, "What are the knives for?" The Vietnamese gardener said, "In my culture we only fight to the death." With this, the American said, " Then we aren't fighting." That was the end of it.

So, in my life there wasn't fighting because I also believed this. One should only fight to the death, otherwise one is just a child. If it's not worth killing for then it's not worth fighting for. Unless you are willing to die for something fighting should never happen. I've always believed this.

Though you might think it strange, oneness with all life in the universe and not fighting unless you are willing to die for something you believe in have been the two cornerstones of my life since I was little. I have been very lucky. More people my age (60) died in Viet Nam that any other age. However, I wasn't drafted because I had had childhood epilepsy. So, paradoxically, the thing that had almost killed me about once every six months from ages 10 to 15 saved my life by keeping me out of the Army. At the time this was very difficult because I knew so many guys my age whose lives were destroyed by the Viet Nam War. One went crazy from being ordered to run over a whole town of civilians with his tank and then was ordered to clean the tank treads of body parts. He was never right again. One went to Canada to avoid the draft with his wife and daughter. One was a Marine Sargeant who wouldn't take his men on a fatal mission and was dishonorably discharged but the next Sargeant and his platoon went on the mission: all died or were permanently maimed. He survived and they all died or were permanently maimed. He had to live with all this always. My best friend from High School got a jet engine certificate from Glendale College and joined the Air Force instead of being drafted. He spent 4 years in Thailand in charge of maintaining American Fighter Jet engines. He now has early alzheimers at age 60 and can't carry on a conversation with me anymore, even though he still knows who I am.

So, back to the frogs eggs. They began a lifetime of my communicating with nature. Communing with nature is a very amazing experience. I liken it to an amazing lover. When one enters the wilderness alone one can have this lover kind of relationship with nature. For me, it is not sexual in any way but it is a whole body and soul experience. The air, the smells of the forest, ocean, desert or whatever fill your nose. The feeling of the clouds, the sun, the temperature, the snow, whatever fills your senses. Yes. It might be harsh or stark or dangerous or whatever. But in those moments you feel more alive than one ever can in ones custom made caves of steel and wood(houses). Houses are only a temporary escape from reality. Reality, true reality can only be found in the harshness of nature. Only then can a person really know who they are.