The person you are now is not the person you will soon be

This is what people on the verge of suicide need to know. The person you are now is not the person you will eventually be.

When I was 21 to 25 I didn't fully understand this at the time. I only knew I might not survive my 20s at that point. So, what got me through this time was mostly sheer will power which people in my family tend to have a lot of. So, I demanded that I live. However, in order to do this I had to give up my pride.

My father was a very proud man and I had to give up this type of pride. I still had spiritual pride and eventually the normal pride died and was replaced with being a father and a husband which is an entirely different type of pride in being alive.

What surprised me the most was how much respect I got for marrying my girlfriend when she got pregnant. This I think surprised me the most of anything. I mostly felt treated like shit by most people from about age 18 to 25 until I got married and had a son. Though I went to college I never got a degree even though I studied computer programming and computer science and psychology, Anthropology, Philosophy, Sociology and History of Religion for about 8 years total during my life in college so far.

But, what was amazing to me is that I could be so very very very happy from age 32 to 37 with my 2nd wife and older children living in the wilderness around mt. Shasta and basically living a Swiss Family Robinson Mt. Shasta back to nature experience sort of like you see in some movies. It was wonderful! and I was completely happy from about 1980 to 1985 until the oldest of our children became 12 years old and we returned then to the SF bay Area and bought another business and ran it.

Those 5 years of living in the wilderness home schooling my children and going for 4 months to India, Nepal, Thailand and Japan and studying with Tibetan Lamas in various places there was amazing in a way I cannot completely share sucessfully with you. It was life changing!

So, even though your life might be absolute hell right now like mine was from about 21 to 25 and then I had to give up being selfish and raise my son and take care of my wife and son and support them. And then I was happy in my early 30s until around 37. So, You are going to be many different people if you are anything like me along the way. It's not all heaven or hell but some of each as you become enlightened along the way like I have.

But, mostly now since age 50 since God gave me "The Leisure to Practice" my life has mostly been heaven when I look at it. But, from about age 18 to 50 life was mostly a lot of hard work and struggle to stay alive and stay sane and keep on a God path and helping my children grow up and get their college degrees and move on with their own lives.

But, you've got to start somewhere, don't you?