The following acTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME STARTING THE WEEK BEFORE EASTER ON A FRIDAY NIGHT 2015 WHERE I THREW UP ABOUT 12 TIMES AND DIDN'T KNOW WHY. THEN MY APPENDIX BURST (I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS AT THE TIME) SO I CALLED A FRIEND AND HIS GIRLFRIEND TO TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL SO I DIDN'T PASS OUT FROM THE INTENSE PAIN AND DIE ALONE IN MY HOTEL ROOM THERE IN MT. SHASTA. WHEN I WROTE THIS I WAS GOING DOWN THE WORST ROAD OF ALL FOR ME WHICH WAS SLEEP DEPRIVATION WHICH WAS THE VERY WORST THING I HAD TO ENDURE DURING THE NEXT MONTH AFTER THIS. ALL THE THINGS THAT SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME DIDN'T. BUT, SOMETHING UNEXPECTED LIKE NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP FOR THE NEXT 30 DAYS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THEY PUT INTO MY LUNG AIRWAY PASSAGES TO PREVENT DEATH BY REFLUX DURING THE OPERATION MADE ME COUGH FOR A MONTH SO I COULDN'T SLEEP AT ALL WAS THE WORST OF ALL: NOT SLEEPING. WHY?
BECAUSE IF YOU CANNOT SLEEP FOR A MONTH YOU HAVE NO BASELINE REALITY AND YOU BECOME IRRATIONAL BECAUSE HUMANS NEED TO SLEEP AND DREAM TO STAY MENTALLY BALANCED. SO, THE TRAUMA OF THIS INCREASED MY PTSD TO AN ALARMING POINT WHERE UNTIL THE NEXT DECEMBER 2015 I BELIEVED I WAS GOING TO DIE!
WHEN ALL YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT YOUR HEALTH ARE BLOWN OUT OF THE WATER YOU HAVE NO USEFUL REFERENCE POINTS TO MOVE FORWARD WITH. DOCTORS CAN DO THINGS NOW THAT GO BEYOND OUR BELIEF SYSTEMS TO COPE WITH. AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS WE ARE OFTEN IN PSYCHOLOGICAL TROUBLE THAT HOPEFULLY WE CAN RECOVER FROM THE PTSD AT SOME POINT.
SO, WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE IS MEDICALLY INDUCED PTSD FROM ILLNESS AND OPERATIONS AND THE AFTERMATH.
AFTER REREADING THE FOLLOWING I ALSO JUST REALIZED I STILL DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME. MARCH 30TH WOULD BE A MONDAY AND THE NIGHT I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WAS THE PREVIOUS FRIDAY NIGHT. SO, THE SATURDAY, SUNDAY AND INTO MONDAY MORNING I BELIEVED I WAS GOING TO DIE SOON(EXCEPT FOR THE ANGELS AND HIGHER BEINGS HELPING ME). I DIDN'T TELL MY WIFE I BELIEVED I WAS DYING BECAUSE I COULDN'T HAVE HER WATCH ME DIE. SO, I DIDN'T TELL HER HOW SERIOUS IT WAS THAT I WAS DOWN TO ABOUT 10% OF MY NORMAL ENERGY LEVEL. SO, I EXPECTED TO DIE THAT WEEKEND. AND I COULDN'T BEAR FOR HER TO WATCH ME DIE. IT WAS ENOUGH JUST TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. I COULDN'T NURSE HER THROUGH THAT.
I FINALLY BY MONDAY NIGHT, MY DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME DROVE DOWN FROM PORTLAND BECAUSE BEING A GUY I KNEW HE COULD HANDLE IT IF I DIED WHILE HE WAS THERE. HE WOULD SURVIVE THIS OKAY. SO, I HAD HIM COME AND HELP TAKE CARE OF ME ON HIS TWO DAYS OFF FROM WORK WHICH WAS MONDAY AND TUESDAY THEN. BY WEDNESDAY HE HAD TALKED ME INTO HAVING MY WIFE DRIVE UP AND HELP TAKE CARE OF ME. MY STRENGTH HAD RETURNED TO ABOUT 40% TO 50% OF NORMAL SO I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING TO DIE AS MUCH.
SATURDAY I RETURNED TO THE HOSPITAL SUSPECTING A BURST APPENDIX (THEY COULDN'T DIAGNOSE IT THE PREVIOUS FRIDAY BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT SYMPTOMS BECAUSE I NEVER HAD SHOTS AS A KID. SO, MY IMMUNE SYSTEM IS MUCH MUCH STRONGER THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON SO I DIDN'T HAVE A FEVER OR ELEVATED WHITE CELL COUNT WHICH IS HOW THEY DIAGNOSE A BURST APPENDIX NOW.
THEY GAVE ME A CAT SCAN ON THE NEXT SATURDAY (8 DAYS AFTER MY APPENDIX BURST) AND TOLD ME I HAD TO HAVE AN OPERATION OR THEY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE. I BELIEVED THEM (NOT SURE I SHOULD HAVE NOW) AND EXPECTED TO DIE DURING THE OPERATION BECAUSE I FELT I WAS TOO WEAK TO SURVIVE IT AT THE TIME. BUT, I WOKE UP ABOUT 11PM AFTER THE EMERGENCY OPERATION AND WAS HAPPY MY KIDS DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE A MEMORIAL OR FUNERAL FOR ME AND BESIDES IN ONE HOUR IT WOULD BE EASTER SO I FELT RESURRECTED FROM THE DEAD!
AFTER REREADING THE FOLLOWING I ALSO JUST REALIZED I STILL DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME. MARCH 30TH WOULD BE A MONDAY AND THE NIGHT I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WAS THE PREVIOUS FRIDAY NIGHT. SO, THE SATURDAY, SUNDAY AND INTO MONDAY MORNING I BELIEVED I WAS GOING TO DIE SOON(EXCEPT FOR THE ANGELS AND HIGHER BEINGS HELPING ME). I DIDN'T TELL MY WIFE I BELIEVED I WAS DYING BECAUSE I COULDN'T HAVE HER WATCH ME DIE. SO, I DIDN'T TELL HER HOW SERIOUS IT WAS THAT I WAS DOWN TO ABOUT 10% OF MY NORMAL ENERGY LEVEL. SO, I EXPECTED TO DIE THAT WEEKEND. AND I COULDN'T BEAR FOR HER TO WATCH ME DIE. IT WAS ENOUGH JUST TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. I COULDN'T NURSE HER THROUGH THAT.
I FINALLY BY MONDAY NIGHT, MY DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME DROVE DOWN FROM PORTLAND BECAUSE BEING A GUY I KNEW HE COULD HANDLE IT IF I DIED WHILE HE WAS THERE. HE WOULD SURVIVE THIS OKAY. SO, I HAD HIM COME AND HELP TAKE CARE OF ME ON HIS TWO DAYS OFF FROM WORK WHICH WAS MONDAY AND TUESDAY THEN. BY WEDNESDAY HE HAD TALKED ME INTO HAVING MY WIFE DRIVE UP AND HELP TAKE CARE OF ME. MY STRENGTH HAD RETURNED TO ABOUT 40% TO 50% OF NORMAL SO I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING TO DIE AS MUCH.
SATURDAY I RETURNED TO THE HOSPITAL SUSPECTING A BURST APPENDIX (THEY COULDN'T DIAGNOSE IT THE PREVIOUS FRIDAY BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT SYMPTOMS BECAUSE I NEVER HAD SHOTS AS A KID. SO, MY IMMUNE SYSTEM IS MUCH MUCH STRONGER THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON SO I DIDN'T HAVE A FEVER OR ELEVATED WHITE CELL COUNT WHICH IS HOW THEY DIAGNOSE A BURST APPENDIX NOW.
THEY GAVE ME A CAT SCAN ON THE NEXT SATURDAY (8 DAYS AFTER MY APPENDIX BURST) AND TOLD ME I HAD TO HAVE AN OPERATION OR THEY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE. I BELIEVED THEM (NOT SURE I SHOULD HAVE NOW) AND EXPECTED TO DIE DURING THE OPERATION BECAUSE I FELT I WAS TOO WEAK TO SURVIVE IT AT THE TIME. BUT, I WOKE UP ABOUT 11PM AFTER THE EMERGENCY OPERATION AND WAS HAPPY MY KIDS DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE A MEMORIAL OR FUNERAL FOR ME AND BESIDES IN ONE HOUR IT WOULD BE EASTER SO I FELT RESURRECTED FROM THE DEAD!
MONDAY, MARCH 30, 2015
4 day medically induced fast
One of the things I had to do to survive the last 4 days was not to eat. It started with dehydration (I'm still now sure how I got so dehydrated I couldn't keep any food or water down. So, this required a saline IV to cure my dehydration before I died from it from throwing up. Then I had terrible cramps in my interestines (possibly caused by severe dehydration) and since the pain was so bad I begged for pain killer because it was so awful. The only thing they could give me was Morphine in a drip (which also causes extreme constipation. So, we have this viscious circle going on here. Then I'm now at 3500 feet and I'm used to sea level and I throw up my heart medicine (very bad during a change of altitude like his). So, they put me on oxygen. I was somewhat of a happy camper on morpheine, oxygen and a saline drip because a few hours before I didn't see how I was going to make it through the night. So, getting my friends to drive me to the emergency room saved my life (from my perspective and age)
However, even though the pain stayed acute from not being able to eat any solid food for 4 days (because I was completely constipated (not even gas could pass) which made the pain much worse I woke up this morning to realize I might even have an intestinal obstruction which might require surgery. But, about an hour before I was going to return to the Emergency room to have a sonogram to see if this was the case my bowels finally let loose because the morphine effect had worn off.
Pretty crazy anyway you look at it.
But, what it reminded me of is just how focused you have to be on the minimum required to stay alive in a situation like this. You can't panic or you are dead. You have to tell all your friends and family that you cannot talk to them because you are too weak to do this. You are even too weak to watch TV or read or blog most of the time. So, you are basically screwed and wondering whether you are going to survive all this?
But, the paradox is that at the same time I was having a Vision quest kind of experience that reminded me a lot like the 4 day no water no food one I did under the tutelage of a native American Medicine man around 1983 in the summer.
So, I was having visions and halucinating like crazy. Only last night did my halucinations get a little scary but always before pretty much it was very powerful spiritual beings coming to me and talking to me and telling me how to survive this. From the beginning visions they told me I likely would survive this. So, when very evolved beings tell you something like this it can be very reassuring even though the actuality of what you are going through is just so overwhelming in one's late 60s that one might not see how surviving something like this would be possible?
But, Angels and truly evolved spiritual beings I find that if I listen to them they are pretty much 100% correct.
So, I'm grateful for all the help and prayers from everyone everywhere that sent a good thought in my direction. Because I'm still alive today because of it and can imagine being alive now 1 week from now too.
However, even though the pain stayed acute from not being able to eat any solid food for 4 days (because I was completely constipated (not even gas could pass) which made the pain much worse I woke up this morning to realize I might even have an intestinal obstruction which might require surgery. But, about an hour before I was going to return to the Emergency room to have a sonogram to see if this was the case my bowels finally let loose because the morphine effect had worn off.
Pretty crazy anyway you look at it.
But, what it reminded me of is just how focused you have to be on the minimum required to stay alive in a situation like this. You can't panic or you are dead. You have to tell all your friends and family that you cannot talk to them because you are too weak to do this. You are even too weak to watch TV or read or blog most of the time. So, you are basically screwed and wondering whether you are going to survive all this?
But, the paradox is that at the same time I was having a Vision quest kind of experience that reminded me a lot like the 4 day no water no food one I did under the tutelage of a native American Medicine man around 1983 in the summer.
So, I was having visions and halucinating like crazy. Only last night did my halucinations get a little scary but always before pretty much it was very powerful spiritual beings coming to me and talking to me and telling me how to survive this. From the beginning visions they told me I likely would survive this. So, when very evolved beings tell you something like this it can be very reassuring even though the actuality of what you are going through is just so overwhelming in one's late 60s that one might not see how surviving something like this would be possible?
But, Angels and truly evolved spiritual beings I find that if I listen to them they are pretty much 100% correct.
So, I'm grateful for all the help and prayers from everyone everywhere that sent a good thought in my direction. Because I'm still alive today because of it and can imagine being alive now 1 week from now too.
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