Then and Now 1-31-10

My 13 year old daughter lately has taken to calling me "Selfish and childish". From my generation's point of view this is completely not useful because I was always taught "tit for tat" even in regard to young adults so they can see instantly the consequences of what they do and can grow up in a more realistic world that they might actually survive in and not self destruct or cause harm to others.

We finally figured a way to cope with this behavior of her putting me down and then taking it too far and then I would verbally let her have it. So, I would be angry and she would sometimes be crying because who I am doesn't fit into her world view at present.

So, finally I set my wife and daughter down at the table and said, "I want us to have family council meetings. I will give you, my daughter, a vote in these meetings as an adult. And your mother and I each will have a vote too. If you have any grievances or criticisms the MUST only be excercised within a family council meeting. That way I don't get angry and possibly say something that is going to make you eventually cry and everyone can stay calm and rational in dealing with each of our different versions of reality."

Amazingly enough, all 3 of us agreed to this. My wife and I know that our 13 year old is just "trying her wings" of adulthood so to speak on us and the whole world but we needed to find a way of maintaining mutual respect and not just her thinking she could put us down all the time.

I was raised blue collar but my wife was raised upper class. If I had said anything to my father or mother that would have been the end of it right now. So, I'm trying to institute that same kind of respect only more modernized in our family by creating this family council meeting that any of us can convene at any moment all three of us are in the house and not really busy doing something else important.