IN American Beauty the U.S. Marine Colonel who is obviously a repressed Gay man trying to do what he thinks best as a closeted self hating gay eventually murders the lead character Lester. Because he is lying to himself the Colonel becomes both a danger to himself and to others. When you are living in denial of whatever you feel this often leads to insanity and death. So, as much as possible one must be true to themselves.
My oldest childhood friend was a closeted Gay man who "Came out" to his friends in his 50s after 2 failed marriages (the first of which might have been a suicide of his wife). But, coming out that late only hastened his death because it was too late for him to find the love he needed at that point. Both his religion and his morals ran against coming out during other parts of his life and eventually killed him in his early 60s. He also became a closet alcoholic and this sometimes scared my wife and young daughter then so I had to tell him not to visit if he was going to drink wine anymore.
Being honest with yourself might increase your lifespan. This friend always honored me and was one of two people instrumental in me wanting to attend college because he got both a bachelor's degree and Master's degree. However, I wish his life had been happier and I wish he had lived longer and I wish he had come out in his teens or twenties when it could have made a difference to his happiness for his sake and for all the people in his life.
When he finally told me he was gay in his 50s I didn't really want to hear it. Our friendship had always been platonic and had been very useful to me in understanding upper class people like he was from as well as well educated monied people in general. He even helped me decide to marry my present wife and was a best man at my wedding in Yosemite. So, we were all very sad to see him pass away so young around 60.
So, be honest with yourself whatever your feelings are. Otherwise, you soon might be dead too.
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