Being realistic

Nothing works like realism. So, here goes.

I went from about 40% yesterday to 60% or 70% of normal.

However, I realized I have only 5 minutes at most of stamina.

So, when I took my 3 wheeled walker down the street I expected to be able to walk
about 2 blocks.

NOpe.

I can walk 5 minutes or 1/8 block before I become so weak that I cannot stand up. So, I told my God daughter to take our dog back to the house and to bring my wife's Lexus to pick me up. Then, as she manuvered to pick me up another car, a prius was patiently waiting because I couldn't stand any longer and had had to go down on one knee and drape myself over the top of the 3 wheeled large
walker so I didn't just fall to the ground. But, I did have enough strength when she positioned the  car to get up and push my 3 large wheeled  walker to the car. I then told her to put it in the back of the RX300 Lexus before driving me home and she did.

So, when I talk about fighting for my life there is only likely a 10% to 20% chance of me dying from something like an infection or something like that. Otherwise it is only a matter of time before I completely recover around June or July Sometime.

However, it might be a long road for me.

I tell this story which explains what it is like for me:

Imagine you have a good day and a lot of energy and you decide to run in a marathon. So, I did.

The marathon for me was the 7 hour drive in my 4wd to Mt. Shasta.

But, then I have had a gun to my head and forced to run a marathon every day since.

The gun to my head is my death unless I struggle for life consistently every single day.

I'm really tired but my father's family and I am a completely ruthless person.

So, what it takes for me to survive now is I can't always take the time to be polite because I just don't have the energy.

And my wife is just so formal and upper class and valedictorian and goody two shoes in her demeanor that she thinks I'm angry and rejecting her. That's not it. I'm just trying not to die by being as ruthless as I can. And that's pretty ruthless. This is the problem. If I'm not as ruthless as possible I'm not going to survive this and return to quality of life ever.

So, in the interests of myself, my wife, my children and my friends I must be ruthless if I want to survive here in a body on earth at all.