Love and Suicide

Unfortunately, these two things often go together in people's lives.

Here's the thing. I often had suicidal thoughts between the ages of 18 and 24. Why?

Because I was in love with life and at least two women at the same time and I didn't want to grow up because I thought being an adult was a form of suicide. Of course on many levels I was right to think this.

However, in the end you either find a way forward in life or you self destruct. There really is no in between here.

What I discovered is that one can reinvent oneself. And that who you are now is not who you are going to be.

In limiting yourself to who you are now you automatically commit suicide in a way.

I found that contrary to how we feel about Disney movies there isn't just one person for you in your life. There ISN't just one significant other even though we might believe that in the moment.

So, if you limit yourself to one significant other and if that significant other marries or lives with someone else besides you, then you might suicide or think you have to because life has ceased to have any meaning for you.

However, in the end that's bullshit!

The reality is we are as many people as we actually decide to be. We might think right now that who we presently are is the ONLY person we will ever be. But, that's a lie.

The Truth is if we are open to it we are many many different people in the beginning in the middle and in the end.

And if we limit ourselves to being only one person that is sort of a suicide in itself.

Being open to the possibility that you can be someone else and love again is reinventing yourself. It isn't always easy.

I remember wanting to be dead so very very much but then realizing I couldn't do this to my parents and my friends and my relatives because often you create a chain reaction of suicides by offing yourself.

So, the responsible thing to do is to stay alive for your relatives and friends until you can create a new persona that works for you.

I succeeded in that when my live in girlfriend got pregnant when I was 26 and she was 21 I had a son and got married. Then I had to give up being selfish and to raise my son to adulthood. It wasn't about me anymore. The next generation had arrived and I had to be a good father to my son and then later to my step kids and then still later to my 2 biological daughters. I'm 70 now and my youngest biological child is now 23.

But, I must tell you trying to stay alive from age 21 to 24 was a completely impossible task. But, I did it anyway because I loved my parents, my relatives and my friends more than I was in love with the idea of suicide. So, I stayed alive.

And by my 30s I was married and happily raising my son and two step kids from my 2nd marriage. And when I was 50 I had to retire because of a heart virus for 8 months and then I had the leisure to practice my spiritual practices which is what I wanted to do anyway.

We are hundreds of people in the end potentially.

To kill yourself because one of the people you are at the time isn't happy is stupid.

Remember this if you want to live to old age.

By God's Grace