Being Friends Before Lovers

In the western world it is very possible(if you are over 21) to be lovers before you are friends with someone. However, this is usually bad for a long term relationship(although it can be fun if it is going to be a short term relationship). However, a short term relationship for one person might be (the one that got away) for the other person and that second person might be pining for that other person for a lifetime. Such is life!

However, if you meet someone that you think you might want to spend a month, 6 months, a year or even a lifetime with, it is better if it is possible to wait and not jump into bed the first day or even the first week you meet them.

The reason for this is simple if you think about it. If you are going to be in a relationship, especially a live-in relationship eventually you won't just be in bed together you will also be in life together(as in waking up with bad breath, time spent on the john, throwing up when sick, money problems, (where are you going to live?), who is going to pay for it and how? etc. etc. etc.

Solving all these problems really has almost nothing to do with sexual compatibility. It has to do with how sensible and well educated and self disciplined and how well you both communicate, and can you communicate outside of the bedroom?

Sexual compatibility, although very important, is actually quite a small part of surviving together for weeks, months, or years in a single domicile together. Not having sex the first day or week one can get to know the other person as a friend. Because believe me, if you aren't friends and compatible as friends first, no amount of sexual pizazz will mean anything at all as far as living together long term.

I have been married three times. My first and third wives made it a point with me not to be sexually intimate from 2 to 4 weeks at first. They were right. I am still a friend to my first wife and am still with my 3rd wife after 15 years. Though I lived with my second wife for 15 years we haven't spoken for at least five years now or more even though we have raised her two kids from her first marriage and my son from my first marriage and we also have a 20 year old daughter together from that marriage. I think waiting until you know someone for a week or more might be helpful before becoming intimate if you are serious about them. If you are not serious it might not matter.