Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Surviving your Life

There are a variety of things that happen to everyone in the course of their lives. However, the decisions we all make regarding all these things ultimately decide whether we live or die, go crazy or stay sane. This is how all of us who survive to be sane and healthy adults actually do it.

In the 1960s because of all the assassinations of important people in the U.S. there was a general feeling of unease and insecurity and of things being completely out of control in a very real way. This led to people drinking more, smoking more, and taking both legal and illegal drugs to dull the pain and escape reality because reality had gone insane.

I was surrounded in life by people experimenting with all sorts of things. But, my best choice was deciding that at least television I could turn off and come down when I wanted to. Other things people I knew were doing might lead to my death or insanity like it often did theirs. This was one of my first major choices in life that kept me sane and alive in a world gone mad.

There is a saying, "If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs then you are ahead of the game."

Watching people I knew and loved die and go insane, (especially in college and after) really taught me something about life. In regard to the Viet Nam War I was against it but also paradoxically if I had been drafted I would have gone and served like a loyal patriotic American at that time. So, for me these times were only paradoxical to an infinite extreme. Luckily for me however, I had had childhood epilepsy and was classified 4F which meant I could only be drafted if our country was under an all out attack by a foreign nation. Since this really hasn't happened since the War of 1812 I didn't ever get drafted or have to serve in the military.

There have been other things that helped me in the decisions I made along the way as well. Fore example, I got a bursa in my foot in 2009 which made my right heal feel like literally it was on fire whenever I walked. It made me feel like a cripple and I was unwilling to take pain killers so I wouldn't feel it. So, my choice while I was experiencing this all the time was to buy myself a Kawasaki KLR 650 dualsport motorcycle which I still have. Though it didn't stop the pain then in my foot I felt free once again and able to ride my motorcycle along the beach and down the coast where I live and ride in the remote out of doors once again feeling and free even though I was in my 60s. Eventually, instead of my foot feeling on fire all the time the nerves went numb instead. So, then I could return to walking 1 to 5 miles a day like I used to with my dogs. So, I was happy that I hadn't taken several years of pain killers because likely that would have decreased my overall health and lessened my mental capacities over time. So, I was happy about that too.

Another situation I survived was childhood epilepsy itself. I had no idea what was happening to me at age 10 when I came home from delivering my Sunday Newspapers on my bicycle. There were bags that one strapped onto the bicycle handlebars that made it difficult to turn and even to ride the bike at all. Then you took one paper out while holding the bicycle handle with one hand and threw it in the direction of the house you were delivering to.

However, that one Sunday morning I came home at about 6 am (got up at 4 am to wrap and deliver papers) and at about 7 am I had a bad dream and woke up with my Mom cradling my head in her hands at the side of my bed on the floor. She had a really scared look on her face like she might pass out or something and said, "You had a bad dream, Freddie! Get up in bed and go back to sleep."

What she didn't tell me was that I had had a convulsive seizure for the first time in my life because all I knew at the time was in my dream a black hand had come and tried to strangle me and so I had fought for my life and failed.

These dreams were terrifying and happened at least once every six months or so mostly when I was scared about a big test in school or something like that. It was always caused by too much pressure on me psychologically. At the time I was an A student so I always felt pressure to be the best at everything. But, this had to change for me to survive to become 15.

My father had been the highest testing student in math in the state of Washington in 8th Grade and also had won the state award for penmanship in the 8th grade for the state as well. So, my father pressured me to be as good as he was at everything. But penmanship as well as art eluded me. So, my father's demand that I be good at penmanship only made me cry at age 8.

So, eventually by age 12 the result of all this was that my parents realized that I might not survive if my father pressured me to get good grades so they both backed off. Finally at age 12 they took me to a doctor to see what was wrong with me. They doctor gave me B-12 shots in the rump because he thought that growing up vegetarian and growing as fast as I was then were causing some of my problems. However, my Dad wouldn't let me take (phenobarbital) which was the only thing they knew around 1960 to give people with epilepsy. However, since phenobarbital is a terrible drug my father forbade me to take it. So, I was left with praying and mind over matter which made my life unbearable because each seizure by then was an experience similar to being murdered each time. Remember, you cannot run away from your body if you experience being attacked from within. So, eventually my solution was to invite God to live in my body with me during the lead up to a seizure when I was the most terrified. This worked. By inviting God to live in my body 24 hours a day my whole life internally and externally permanently changed. But then I had a whole new problem which was that God is incredibly supernaturally powerful 24 hours a day and for a 15 year old this was also terrifying in a whole different way. I no longer had to worry about dying from epilepsy. But I did have to worry about misusing all the supernatural attributes that God had brought into my life. So, life was now terrifying sort of like being given a Ferrari to drive when you are 10 years old. I had to be really careful not to die in a whole new way now. I no longer had epilepsy because once I had invoked God into my life and body he was always there. But I had to constantly worry about how I was going to stay alive driving God's body (Ferrari) around without crashing it into walls at 200 plus miles per hour. Now my life was crazy in a whole new way.

I think think the scariest times regarding all this was during my 20s because almost anything could happen (and usually did during these times). But, by the age of 30 and beyond I had learned to take a very compassionate and kind and parent like attitude towards all beings. Because of God living in my body and since God is the parent to us all this finally worked 24 hours a day and has ever since. Also, I had been a father raising my son since I was 26 so this worked on that level as well. I was home free!

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