Compassion for Self

I realized I had not fully reached this point until this weekend. Somehow this brush with death woke me up completely.

In the past if you had said to me, "Do you have compassion for self?" I would have said, "Yes. I'm working on it."

However, now if you asked me that same question I can openly say, "Yes. I have finally developed (as far as I now know, full compassion for self".

In the past I might have said, "I have compassion for all beings in the universe"(which is a pretty difficult thing to be able to say if you are over 3 years of age by the way.)

But, compassion for others is most easily reached if you imagine all beings from the smallest microbe to bug to the biggest elephant on earth to the biggest Whale on earth as once having been your mother. If you can think about this conceptually whether you believe in reincarnation or not you will develop compassion for all beings in the universe even if it takes you 30 years to fully do this.

By the way this doesn't mean being stupid and ignorant about this either. You still see the problems each being is having and respond accordingly as if they were your children. If you see one of your children harming another of your children you stop them. Very simple. So, this is a wise and right mindful approach to compassion.

You are compassionate but you aren't going to allow unnecessary hurt or harm to take place either, if there is anything you can do about it.

My breakthrough came when I observed that I had made a mistake. Normally, I wouldn't make a mistake like this. Monday my daughter called to tell me I had killed myself in a dream she had had on Mt. Shasta. I had dug a grave in the snow until I died and then as I died covered the snow in upon me.Though I was disturbed by the dream at the time because she often has prophetic dreams like me, I thought to myself, "I won't let this happen! This is just telling me to be more vigilant."

But, obviously I wasn't vigilant enough and so I almost died. In the process I discovered how many people were concerned when they heard I was in the hospital and how many people were praying for me, and I realized I love myself and I like myself because I am a very good person and so because of this I care about myself enough to take better care of myself to stay alive even if all my children have grown up and creating their own lives now in college or post college.

I had expressed the concern that after having been raising one or more children constantly since 1974 when I was 26 (41 years) that I didn't know if I could face my future and my life anymore, even with a wonderful life and wife.

I felt an emptiness in my heart that I couldn't contain or bridle in any way. So, when I heard the dream I thought, "God. I hope I'm not creating my death by not being able to deal with this."

It turns out though after all is said and done I realized in this medically induced "Vision Quest" that I love myself and I like myself and that I have finally "buried the axe" in the ground of Suicide, forever.

I no longer want to kill myself at all ever.

So, a part of me died this weekend, the part that wanted to kill myself because all my children had grown up and embarked upon there lives in other states far away from me and my wife.

And all I can say now is, "Well. Thank God!"

(not Thank God that my kids have moved away, thank God that I can live with this now and visit them whenever it is appropriate or they me.

Now I can really have fun doing a whole lot of things for myself and all others that God Guides me to along the way.