Thursday, September 3, 2009

Children Molested by Churches

I was not raised Catholic. So those Catholics out there can breathe a sigh of relief. However, I was molested because of a church and in a church setting. I write of this because of how much my childhood and adult life changed because of this and because of the death before his time of my male cousin.

The problem with all churches and religions on earth is that children are molested because of and in spite of all the good that religions and churches do. This is what happens: people in a church all want to be perceived as believing what the church teaches. This causes psychological states that can only be described as psychologically different or even aberrant within those churchgoers. This is then taken advantage of by sexual predators that either form within the church confines or who are drawn to the church because of its unrealistic appraisal of reality which is a perfect hidden place for molesters to hide in plain sight in while they molest sometimes by the hundreds the children of the parishioners of that church. I was one of these hundreds whose life was affected by one of these sexual predators.

This man was a semi truck driver for the church I grew up in and even moved my family with the church truck from San Diego to Los Angeles County when I was 5 as my parents were put in charge of the Los Angeles Church. He did not molest me that I can remember.

However, he did molest hundreds of other boys including my 5 years older cousin. My five years older cousin who was then 13 and I 8 molested me as he was taught by this man. Even though this occurred only once and I had no idea at the time that sex could be anything other than between a male and a female. So I was completely innocent at the time of all this.

However, when I was 10 I had a paper route and was watching two dogs copulating and somehow this triggered something awful subconsciously. I remember feeling kind of ill when I saw a big dog copulate with a very little one. I went home and had my first epileptic seizure. At some subconscious level an understanding somehow of what had happened to me must have occurred and triggered this experience. So, at this time I believe the trigger for childhood epilepsy to occur in me was a subconscious or unconscious awareness at some level that I had been betrayed or violated in some deep psychological, spiritual and physical way. It did not come to conscious awareness until I became 13,15 or older. I did not have to live out the real after effects of all this until I was in my twenties. After having been relatively faithful to girlfriends between the ages of 15 to 21. I went steady with 4 girls between age 15 and 21. The first about 6 months, the second about one year, the third about 2 years and the fourth about 2 years. Except for the third and fourth girlfriends I was almost completely faithful and at that point being unfaithful was only about kissing another girl, and nothing more.

However, when I broke up with someone I was deeply in love with because she wanted to be married and celibate because I knew I wanted to have children when married, I found that my love for this girl drove me towards suicide. Then the real problem of having been molested kicked in, which is not feeling like I could trust any sexual partner and having the need to always have another girl in the wings to take that person's place should anything go wrong. Sometime's this behavior is called: having a love addiction.

It is a behavior that one absolutely must have someone there at all times and if one person isn't there one must immediately find another. When I studied what happens to molestation victims I found that one of the aberrant reactions to molestation(there can be many) is to become a love addict.

As long as one is single and not trying to be married or to raise children sometimes this is okay from a societal point of view. Obviously, not the best but still loosely tolerated (in going from one person to another sequentially throughout life).

When this becomes a problem is when one is married and raising children. The most useful method I have found to counter this problem, to stay faithful to ones wife and to protect ones children from the horrors of divorce is to just stop flirting with interesting women in my case but it could be either gender in your case.

So, though all or most churches and religions on earth do a lot of good and socially pacify people to prevent a lot of violence and war against people and children, they also ALL foster sexual predators and molesters within the given dynamics of ANY church.

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