Thursday, September 24, 2009

Having a Journal

I have been writing in spiral notebooks and on typewriters writings and journals since I was a child. My mother couldn't deal with some of my writings when I was suicidal for a few years between 1969 and 1973 so whenever I left home for a job or a girlfriend,(usually both) she would throw away any journals I inadvertently left behind. She also threw away my comic book collection (3 feet high) that I had collected from age 4 on which really pissed my off, because that would all be worth thousands of dollars now. But my mother was never a rocket scientist, my Dad was the genius in the family. My mother was the intuitive genius. So, I got Mom's common sense and mellowness and I got Dad's incisive logic and intelligence. But I never have seen myself as an intellectual but as a common sensical intuitive genius whose best skill is being in the right place at the right time. This was a great skill for meeting good women when I was young by the way. It is also a great skill if you have dangerous hobbies like off road motorcycles, hangliders, flying gliders and planes, surfing, skiing, mountain climbing and rock climbing and world travel, especially to interesting 3rd world nations and meeting interesting people. So, if you want to live through all this like I have it is necessary to always be in the right place at the right time to live through it all. You have to have a positive attitude and have the good fortune of common sense and intuition on your side to still be alive like I am at age 61 with reasonably good health, healthy grown kids, and one 13 year old still growing up at home and a good wife.

But I digress. Writing journals can be a very useful important thing that you do. First, there is the writing. Often when you are experiencing something there is no one to talk to about it. So take advantage of that by writing it down. Then when you reread what you have written it is like reading something someone else wrote 1, 2 5, 10 years later when you read it. It is marvelous for understanding all the people we are during our lives. In understanding better all the people you have been you better understand yourself now. Everyone is always changing and hopefully for the better. Situations you may not expect to survive you likely will. That's just the way of life.
As long as you let yourself die to self you allow you body to live on. I have been hundreds of different people during my life and so have you. How much do you have in common with yourself at age 5, 10 15, 20 25,30,35,40? When I look back at my life I see myself still much like I was at age 10, a kind, sweet, intelligent person but with many layers of armor and experience and finesse added on. So even now at 61 I still feel like that 10 year old wanting to know more about life and interested in new things every day and wanting to travel the world and meet amazing people. I still have those kinds of hopes and dreams except now I'm 61 which means I might have the money to do anything I want but it is less likely that I can live my life the way I could in my 20s. When I look back at my 20s it was one of the most miserable time of my life. The most physically happy and mentally happy time of my life was from 32 to 37. The most miserable time of my life was from 37 throughout most of my 40s because I couldn't get full custody of my daughter. However, when I almost died at age 50 of a heart virus from being so angry I couldn't get full custody of my daughter I learned to be thankful for each moment of life and to take solace in my new wife and daughter. Now its 11 years later and the daughter I couldn't get full custody with spent 6 weeks with my present wife and daughter and I and brought her boyfriend along. So life goes on and things just might get better if you are patient enough.

Also, writing a journal is a whole lot cheaper than paying 150 dollars an hour for a therapist. But if you can afford it and can find a good one I find a therapist is like a tool you can use. A therapist is sort of like a college degree. You can take your college degree and you can really do good with it or you can use it as a hammer to bash your own brains out. It's all your choice so make a good one. Build yourself a life you can stand to live. Start writing in a journal to better understand yourself.

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