Friday, December 4, 2009

The Difficulties of Being a Parent

Being a good parent doesn't end when your child is 20 or 30. In fact, if you have done your job it never really ends.

My son is now 35. There was a time from about 18 to 25 when he should have asked me for advice but didn't. But most of the time since he was 25 he has learned to come and ask advice from someone who has successfully survived longer than he.

The real difficulty for me now is that many of the decisions he has made since he was 30 I disagree with. But since he must be his own man to survive it if and when I pass on(which could be tomorrow or 20 or 30 or more years: who knows?). I do know it really messed me up when my father passed on so I have tried to prepare my son for my passing when it actually happens whenever that is. I was 37 when my Dad died and it cost me my second marriage. So I know first hand how difficult losing a father can be for a son.

My concerns for my son are not regarding career as he has returned to school to become a nurse and will graduate as one within a year. My concerns for him since he is in his second marriage now are regarding relationships. He is 35 she is 23 or 24. And even though his wife is very beautiful she has no life experience outside of college really. So realistically whether she stays with him is really an unknown not only for him but also for her. And from my own experience being single unless you are a fairly rare personality is not something you really want to choose to do after 35. So my concerns for his choices are genuine.

I just wish he was with someone who knew more who she was and whether she was going to be there for him ongoing. Beautiful is great but common sense and emotionally knowing where you are going long term is far more useful if a man is 35. If he was 25 it wouldn't really matter that much yet but at 35 it does.

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